I'm learning a lot about relationships (not only in love) and more so about being assertive. I hope the word is the right one, in french it's "s'affirmer".

I noticed that I take a lot on my shoulders and I quickly become responsible of others problems and their emotions and I don't have the energy to do so anymore. I have always been a direct person but I tend not to say everything, within the past year I've been working on that aspect about being more open about my needs and my boundaries. Some might think I'm acting selfish I say I really beginning to respect myself.

Tonight my sister and her bf, B. and I went out to my parent's new place for supper. I had prepared soup and desert for all of us, Robert took his car and brought wine and my brother in law, some cheese, bread and beer. After supper, its only normal that my mother and I not do the dishes since we cooked the meal. Its logical to me that those who didn't cook, clean up.

Naturally I asked the men and pushed my mom away from the sink as I usually do. I didn't notice that my sister had participated in no way whatsoever. Why hadn't I ask her?

Because no one asks her anything. She was on all fours teasing the cat. At 27 years old, my sister is still a princess. No regard for anyone but herself. Her bf is starting to have a problem with that behavior. She never pays her share, she never offers to help etc. And her bf, being B.'s colleague, naturally complains to him about the issues in their couple. Same goes for my sister to me.

I'm quite fed up of trying to give them advise without being "all knowing" and dealing with their complaints.

Tonight I decided that enough was enough. Having a mental disorder myself I live by this: " It's not up to society to adapt to you but you to adapt to society". Why should it be different for my sister? So I wrote her an email to tell her. At some point, we can't go on being all nice and calm and not asking anything of her because she has anxiety problems and nervous twitches. She has to deal with that in whatever manner is better suited to her. But I can,t spend the rest of my life trying not to stress her out. And one day she'll have to deal with people who just wont care about her condition. I asked her to have a little more initiative and to take the lead a bit more. Offer to pay your share, pay your debt, as small as they can be. Nothing is due.

So that felt good to get it off my chest. But it didn't stop there. I had to do the same to her bf.

I like the guy a lot. But he's so nice that he keeps everything inside. He doesn't express the right things. And naturally he complains to B and I. Again: communication is the key to life.

I wrote to him too. Explaining that even though I'm more than happy to have him in our family I don't like to see him sad or frustrated. But we can't take upon ourselves to be the Dr Phil's of relationships. We actually have our own shit to deal with. B and I have been doing great for a while now but that's only because we communicate everything now. We don't fight anymore. But it's a process and it will take time. So we don't have the time nor interest in their problems. I told him to communicate with my sister. It's the best way.

I feel really good now that I have that off my chest. I actually don,t care if they feel surprised or what not. Deal with it. I deal with my emotions, it's up to them now.

I haven't posted in a very long while, I had so much going on that I just didn't want to take the time to do so. Also, I felt a bit ashamed I guess. I know I shouldn't feel that way over the internet because I don't really know personnaly any of my LJ "friends". But I promised myself to always be honnest and true when I write, so here goes the story of the past few months.

 As you know I opened a business this summer with my former yoga teacher, a tea salon paired with a health food store. It was fairly successful considering we managed to pay our bills and such with our revenus during our first year of existence.

I left in mid-November. My partner's way of working and her values did not meet mine at all. She had no clue how to run a business and was unable to manage money. I ended up doing all the work because I couldn't trust her enough to take her share of the responsibilities. And to top all that, she had a disturbing life philosophy. She had a guru and a clairvoyant, and couldn't take a decision without them (and without her weirdass boyfriend). Their philosophy was too "let things happen", thus sitting on your ass and waiting for the good things to come to you. In my book, good things happen if you work for it. Not to mention her alcohol and drug problem; when you're nursing a child it seems logical not to take such things. Anyways, at some point I got fed up and let her know that our partnership wasn't working. I feel much better now that I'm out of that mess.

On the other hand, school is still amazing and I am more certain than ever that this is my career. My teachers think highly of me and are impressed with my abilities. It feels very comforting to get this kind of attention. In Febuary, I'm going on a road trip to survey restaurants in the Cote-Nord region, 3 days, all expenses paid. You gotta love it!

My health is optimal at the moment. B and I have made many changes in our diets and the results are showing. We are in better shape and our moods have improved, we don't fight as much. Speaking of fighting, we are working very hard on our relationship. We try not to be disrespectfull when we fight and take time outs when we need to before sorting things out.

Also, I pursued my passion for food and health and created a french blog on the subject: www.materrablog.blogspot.com I write various articles on food, health, ecologie and living green. I like doing this very much. Some day I would like to have a website, when I have a bit of money to invest.

So overall, I'm doing great. 2011 was eventful but I'm glad I had the opportunity to live it all. Opening a business wasn't a faillure for me, I had a chance to prove myself capable of responsibly running a business and making it succesful. In a few years, I might do it again, but alone. Only me. If I fail, it will at least be my fault.

Wow... so much has happened since the opening of the business that I don't even know where to start!

Well first of all, business is good. Not crazy but we manage to pay our rent and bills, which is more than most new businesses. I'm having fun and now my partner and I are getting along. More than along, we finally started communicating our true thoughts and feelings and now it's way better. We have a lot of ideas, and we hope to have enough money to see them all happen.

Check us out on facebook: Le Lotus et Le Papillon

One of our projects is having a website. We want to have pictures of the place. a blog and many other things.

Also, I started school. I LOVE IT! Cooking school my place. My teachers are awesome, my fellow students are great as well. The only thing is that my waistline will suffer if I'm not careful. I'm not bringing my money and wallet at school anymore. :P

B. and I are doing great. He's a big help aroung the house now that I'm not at home as much. Also, I think he likes the fact that I'm even more enthousiast to cook. I brought him back some pâté de foie de volaille with some chocolate treats and he was a happy bear.

My mother is finally selling her products (she's a herbologist) at our boutique. We need to find a cabinet to hold them. I'm pretty excited.

Other than all that, I'm trying to relax but it's tough when I'm so excited. :)

Peace all!!!

Hi

I created this recipe by putting together several recipes, the first time they were great. The second they came out dry and dense.

What could have went wrong? I redid the recipe thinking it was a lack of fat in it and added butter, maybe the butter was too cold but they were slightly better.

-          2 T spelt flour

-          ½ T oats

-          ¼ T salt

-          2 tsp cinnamon

-          ¼ T hemp parts

-          ¼ T sunflower seeds

-          ¼ T pumpking seed

-          ¼ T grated coconut

-          1 tsp baking soda

-          2 oz chocolat

-          1 egg

-          ½ T coconut milk

-          ½ T maple syrup

-          ½ lemon juice

-          1 mashed banana

-          3 Tbsp grapeseed oil

Mix dry & wet ingredients seperatly, combine.

375 F 25 minutes

I love having an endless fountain of kombucha! So yummy!!!  :)

The past few weeks have been quite intense. As I mentionned in my previous post, it is now official that I'm in partnership to open my own business: a tea salon & boutique with a smoothie bar. The official opening date will be July 9th. :)

I'm very excited and I've been working like a dog but it's been very rewarding. There's a lot still to do.

B. is very supportive and helping with certain things. My partner is somewhat a handful but we work well together.

I can't wait to send out the invitations. :)

I don't have much to say other than "Le Lotus et Le Papillon" is taking up all my time.

It's funny that after 2 years off the pill my cycle has aligned itself exactly with the full moon.

I don't kow if it means anything but I feel special and empowered.

Last week I posted about the opportunity of a restaurant business and me going back to school, hopefully paid by emploi-Québec. Here's the outcome:

School: the agent was impressed I was very prepared for the interview and told me it added many points to my candidacy. We talked for about an hour and in the end she told me she couldn't give me a definite answer on the spot, that for august classes it was in June, BUT so far she was extremely favorable to my project and there's a 95% chance I'll be admitted. :)

Restaurant: I met with Karen and Justin yesterday and we spoke for hours. We agreed to a partnership. We'll open a smoothie bar and a tea salon for starters and next year after my class we'll open the bistro. During school, I'll work after hours to prepare the inventory, clean and prepare the goodies for the next day. Plus we agreed only to invest 5,000$ instead of 10,000$.

I'm very excited, we're working on building a business plan and I'm working on recipes for the smoothies and goodies.

I'll keep you posted

I haven't updated in quite a while, I didn't take the time, which I have since as you know I'm currently unemployed.

I took some time off and it did me some good. I had time to think and prioritise my projects. I still haven't received my first check but it should come soon. I paid my share of the house to B. in advance so I'm ok for now. This morning I'm at the local job center waiting for my appointment with an agent to have my school project approved. In short, the government would pay me while I'm at school, it's not much but I would avoid working while studying. B. is very supportive and I'm gratefull for that.

BUT

There's always a but... I've been doing yoga for a while and recently the teacher informed us that the wanted to move the studio and open a tea salon/ bistro. She was looking for a partner or investor to help her start the project. I was thrilled at the idea of a tea salon in Levis and a healthy bistro where I *could* work. Then the potential investor dropped out, her husband or something wasn't willing to invest in another business. Then it struck me: why not me? I was in the process of opening a caterer's business like I had in Montreal and the project was starting to sink when I became aware that I wasn't the only one in the area with the same idea. So I started chatting with my teacher (Karen) and we were quite enthousiastic about the idea of a small restaurant/ tea salon. It would require some investment for sure, but a minimal one since we don't want to ruin ourselves. We meeted again the next day for some extensive talk, a tour of the kitchen and how we would build the thing. I'm very very much interested. But I start school in August, and I'm currently asking help from the government to help me pay for my classes and such.

What happens if they refuse? Should I drop the school project? Cooking school was only a way to have a diploma and be hired in restaurants. But I don't need one if I have my own...

I'm very confused right now. *God* has given me so many opportunities lately, and I am gratefull but I don't know what's expected of me. What's the best decision? Cancel school and ask my mom for a loan and start my business, opening the tea salon and later starting the bistro? Go to school and miss the opportunity of being my own boss as I ALWAYS DREAMED OF? Am I ready? I am capable? Do I have enough confidence?

I guess it's a lot to consider. B. is supportive of any of my decisions, as long as I can pay my share of the house and stuff. (Bless him, my love) He's more than confident of my talent and he wants me to be happy, that's all.

My sister seems to think that I absolutely need a diploma, but it isn't require, all the health and management stuff can be found online. My grandmother thinks it's a marvelous idea, as long as everything is carefully thought through and I know exactly what I'm doing. I need to talk to my mom now, I'm sure she'll be supportive but the investment must come from her so... I don't know.

I guess my option for now is to continue pursuing with the government program and wait for their answer, and also talk about the project with the people involved and from there make my decision.

Being my own boss... my own restaurant.

Karen just called and told me that she spoke with her husband and they are now serious about a partnership with me. I told her I'll talk to my mom and we'll meet sometime next week. :)